Grateful for my Gray Hairs in Aspen, Colorado - My Journey with Breast Cancer

~ Originally written October 26th 2022

Today I get to celebrate another year getting older. Having an October birthday has always been a treat as I love the smell of the fall air and the seasonal colors. My family and I recently enjoyed an off-season trip to Aspen/Snowmass, Colorado. And although we once lived there, getting back to see the fall leaves was something I was not sure I would ever be able to do again.

In 59 days I will have my 4th anniversary of the day I was told I had breast cancer. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I want to share a story of THRIVING not just surviving in the hopes that it will provide some optimism to those faced with the challenge themselves or someone you know and love.

I was living in Kaua’i, an island paradise, with two healthy happy children and a husband who loved me. I was active, strong and seemingly in perfect health. We were busy with work, soccer practices, school schedules and beach days - all that life was hoped to be.

Unfortunately the diagnosis was a deep rooted fear I had growing inside me. After my 2nd child, I had felt a lot of pain in my right breast. After multiple trips to the doctor, it was simply diagnosed as related to breast feeding.

Years go by, and my days of running are put to rest because it was too painful to jog. The pain was dismissed again by doctors as hormonal. But I stayed on it and in 2015 I start to feel fibrous tissue so I have my doctors examine me. They said it was normal with aging. Phew.

Me at age 42.. a few months before diagnosis

It still did not feel right, so the day after I turned 40, and when insurance would cover a mammogram, I insisted on having one with my doctors. Happy birthday to me!

The radiologist simply said I had dense tissue, and that all was fine. I was completely relieved and tacked it up as me being overly paranoid. And since by this time, I had been told over four times, by four different doctors that all was fine, I was definitely starting to doubt myself and decided to dismiss my concerns.

However, two years later, while playing with my son, I caught an elbow to the chest, and yelped in pain. There was definitely a round hard something in my breast. My initial reaction was to think, "here we go again- the doctors are going to think I am nuts." But once again, the worries resurfaced. Luckily, my husband insisted I get it looked at again and stayed on me reminding me to get it checked.

This time, the doctor palpated and immediately said, “That needs to come out”.

Whaaat?? What does that mean? Seriously???

The journey began at that moment. I immediately headed to mammography, then to ultrasound, to a disastrous botched biopsy, and ultimately to the small room on Christmas Eve where the surgeon said the words no one wants to hear, “You have breast cancer.”

Surgery #4 of 6 in 2019

And so began the battle of my life. What I thought would be a short tour of medical facilities and surgical wards, turned into a full year and a half of treatments bouncing from island to island in Hawai'i - and not in the fun touristy way. I toured surgical wards, chemo infusion centers, radiation oncology facilities, and multiple physical therapy centers. There were 1000's of needle pokes, IV bags, begging for more fluids, pills upon pills, numerous brutal side effects, some of which I still deal with today, and of course time away from my children and countless terrifying mental moments.

The costs of treatment and are also insanely high, but who has the energy to raise funds or ask for help during this time? Tackling each day ... day by day... kid by kid... was where my energy needed to rest. However, I was so thankful that I was able to continue working through treatment to maintain my sanity a bit as well as keep us financially solvent. Partnering with wonderful

colleagues, was hugely helpful @kellyrenz @danetteandrews. Thank you to my clients to had confidence in me which helped keep me driving forward.

My endless gratitude goes to my mother who was my relentlessly devoted caregiver. I was so reliant on her help to get me, my husband and my kids through this time in our lives. She made no less than six trips to the island from her home in Missouri @LaNellHager. I will be forever

grateful to you Mom. And thank you, Dad, for sharing her.

Flash forward 4 1/4 years later (the 5 year mark is a BIG one), I am now on the other side and am feeling healthy and strong again. Endocrine therapy is something I continue to do, which of course has its side effects , but for the most part I am bouncing back. My daily GRIT routines, my Hot Yoga at Corepower and short runs are helping me build both my mental and physical strength again.

For all my special friends in Kaua'i who became my Ohana, and flew with me on airplanes,

hosted sleepovers for my kids while I was off island, shuttled my kids to and from school, soccer, dance and birthday parties - I am eternally appreciative. @PatsyGarlinghouse @LavonneGarlie @ErinGarlie @MimiMerritt @JocelynBarriga To the soft...and the loud spoken hospital nurses and doctors who treated me, and strangers in the grocery store who supported me throughout treatment - THANK YOU.

Getting older took on a new look. The years ahead became such a hopeful future that I had fantasies as being an old lady. Having gray hair while sitting on a porch swing next to the man I loved, was one of my favorite calming visions.

Birthdays became something I longed for with all my heart. To squelch the nagging fear, these visions were something I grasped tightly. One profound dream I had was of hiking through the fall aspen trees drenched in golden hues with my children. There were many days that the idea walking around the block, much less hiking, seemed completely out of reach.

This past birthday, I was able to fulfill this dream, not just once but four days in a row, and I felt great. Maroon Bells, Conundrum, Snowmass Mountain, and horseback riding in Old Snowmass made for some of the prettiest hikes of the year with gorgeous golden leaves and perfect crisp temperatures.

Today I get to celebrate another year of getting older, and I am truly thankful.

THRIVING not just surviving was a term my mother in law, Inga, suggested and it has resonated for me. Hopefully it can for you or someone you love also.

So if you have a nagging suspicion or are overdue for your mammogram, GET IT DONE! Be your own advocate and make sure you are taking advantage of medical resources available. Ensure your voice is heard and you are listening to your intuition. Sometimes the news you receive is not the news you need to hear.

And if you are wanting to help make a difference this month, I encourage you to learn more about a Hope Lodge from the American Cancer Society near you which provides sanctuary lodging for those going through treatment. The Hope Lodge in Honolulu is where I spent many many nights and helped save me thousands of dollars in lodging costs. They need your support to keep their doors open.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story and supporting breast cancer research to help provide answers and resources for a disease that will likely touch 1 in 8 women in the United States.

Hope Lodge Hawai'i #breastcancerawareness #YSC #BreastCancerAwarenessMonth https://www.cancer.org/.../patient-lodging/hope-lodge.html

Additional Resources:

Asbestos.com brought to you by the Mesothelioma Center